


I'm Giving You Up

by Meero94



Category: How to Get Away with Murder
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Canon Compliant, Coda 3x02, M/M, Oliver's POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-30
Updated: 2016-09-30
Packaged: 2018-08-18 18:25:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8171432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meero94/pseuds/Meero94
Summary: It was funny, Oliver thought, the details people take away from life changing moments.  Oliver's POV as Connor leaves. Written for the ending of 3x02 and therefore contains spoilers.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place during 3x02 after Connor decides to leave his and Oliver's apartment. It's Oliver's POV because I like torturing all of us. 
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> P.S: the title is dramatic bc I'm super dramatic, just ask anyone.

It was funny, Oliver thought, the details people took away from life changing moments. Like how he remembered his mom holding a pink towel when he told her about his acceptance letter into college, or how he was deleting a spam email when his HIV test results came back positive, or how Oliver’s hands trembled the entire time Connor was packing his bags to leave.

It was what he wanted, it was what he had asked for, and yet it wasn’t. Some part of him believed that even broken up, he’d get to keep Connor in his life somehow. That same naive part that kept silent all summer, thinking _maybe it’ll be different tomorrow_ and _maybe if I waited a few more days it’ll be okay_. And when neither of those things happened, some part of him had still foolishly hoped that the leaving wouldn’t include any actual leaving.

Oliver loved Connor, he loved him so much it hurt sometimes. He loved him so much he couldn’t think past Connor and how deeply Connor loved. Oliver needed to be alone because Connor’s kisses were siren songs, his hopeful eyes would draw Oliver back in, and then he’d breathe Connor in like a man gasping for air and his resolve would crumble.

He watched as Connor moved through the apartment, eyes downcast, movements jerky as if he was tearing himself away from the space as he went. Oliver’s heart ached for him. For _them_. He wanted to hug Connor, to kiss him again. He wanted so much that his hands trembled with the weight of it. He clenched his hands into fists and held them by his side.

This was for the better. He had to keep that in mind. He was doing it for the both of them.

He got up and shadowed Connor as he gathered his things, hanging back a few steps that felt like miles instead. Oliver’s eyes burned with unshed tears and Connor’s eyes were filling again. 

“You don’t have to leave right now,” Oliver tried once more. His voice sounded choked up and miserable. Connor’s shoulders tensed before slumping down.

“Yes, I do.” Connor murmured, and if Oliver sounded miserable then Connor sounded outright devastated. He felt the painful squeeze of his heart.

There went the red shirt he loved on Connor so much, shoved into a box, followed by a jacket, a few ties, and that stupid poster Connor brought when he moved in. Oliver watched with growing numbness as Connor removed it from the wall.

Oliver swallowed hard. He hated that poster so much. He was going to miss the fuck out of it.

His boyfriend -ex-boyfriend- was almost done packing. He wasn’t even taking all of his things, and Oliver figured that Connor wanted to be out of here as fast as possible. Maybe he felt the air pressing down on him too, the way Oliver did.

Oliver watched as Connor shoved the last of the belongings he deemed worthy of moving into the tiny box. Connor’s hands finally stilled their frantic movements, causing Oliver’s chest to fill with dread. This was it then.

Their eyes hadn’t met once since Connor announced he was leaving. Now they stood facing each other, and Connor finally looked up at him. Oliver wished he hadn’t. There was so much pain there, Oliver wanted to look away. He had caused that. He had caused his best friend, the first man he really loved, to look that way.

It was for the best. He knew it was. It just didn’t make this any easier.

“Guess that’s everything,” Connor’s voice was dull, the fight taken out of it. “I’ll see if I pick up my books and whatever else is left later.”

“Yeah. Okay,” Oliver offered back, hands now worrying at the hem of his shirt. “Anytime you want, just let me know.”

“I’ll see you around anyway, at the clinic,” Connor tried for a painful looking smile then dropped it. He reached into his pocket next and pulled out a key. The apartment key. Oliver hadn’t even considered that. “You should have this back.”

“You can-” Oliver started, only to be interrupted by the expression on Connor’s face.

“Don’t,” Connor shook his head. “Just take it. Please.”

Oliver did. His hand trembled as Connor dropped the key in it.

It all felt so final as Connor hauled up his box, as he moved towards the door, as he offered Oliver one last watery smile and then walked out of the apartment. The soft sound of the door shutting causing Oliver to flinch.

The tears finally came in abundance. The type of crying that came with loss and heartache, ugly sobs followed by cold numbness. Oliver wiped at his eyes, only to feel more salt water gracing his fingertips.

He brushed his teeth -Connor’s toothbrush gone-, he changed his clothes -the closet was too empty-, he went to the living room, only to glance at the empty wall where a picture frame was not an hour ago, and finally gave up and crawled into bed.

He took deep breaths that didn’t help at all, and felt his heart break more with each sob. _It was for the best_. He had just lost one of his best friends. The love of his life. _For the best._ He did the right thing. 

He loved Connor and it wasn’t enough, and that was the real tragedy of it all.

Still, Oliver would get through this and so would Connor. They would not be the same but they may still be friends after everything had settled. Oliver had to believe as much, because anything else was too painful to consider.

Where will Connor sleep tonight? Did he even take his favorite sweater with him? Did he take anything of Oliver’s?

Oliver forced his mind to a halt, the pain of the thoughts growing, growing, growing until it threatened to choke him. He lay his head down and reached his hand to the pillow next to his. Connor’s pillow. And now; Oliver’s pillow again.

Oliver closed his eyes against the new wave of tears. Against the second pillow, his hand trembled. 

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written any Coliver in a very long time, so I hope this wasn't very bad. Please tell me what you think, comments give me life and make me wanna write more.
> 
> Come cry with me at sulkybbarnes.tumblr.com I got cookies and more angst.
> 
> Comment/kudos are most appreciated, tell me what you think!!


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